Camping with the Cullens
by meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee
Summary: The Cullens...Camping! this is set after BD when nessie and jacob are married.I think this is pretty funny, but ignore the first two chapters. im really bad at summaries, but this is a preeety good story by my standards. xxx please tell me what you think!
1. Chapter 1

Camping with the Cullens

**Basically, this is probably what would happen if the Cullens would go camping – Carlisle always super – positive, Rosalie being amazingly shallow, Alice is only about the clothes, and Emmett making really wrong jokes. This is set after Breaking Dawn when Nessie is fully grown and just married to Jacob. Disclaimer: Unfortunately I don't own any of the characters in Twilight or New Moon or Eclipse or Breaking Dawn, but the characters probably wish they were owned by me. HA!**

**Carlisle's POV**

All of the children had just graduated from High school for the fiftieth time, and I decided that we should have a little celebration, and I was going to give them a special treat…………………….

"So kids, as you know, you've all now graduated for the fiftieth time. I've decided that we're going to have a little celebration now." I announced

"Oooooooooooooh, YAY!" Alice screamed "Can I decorate? Please. PLEASE!"

"Yes Alice, you can decorate." I said exasperatedly

"YESSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS!" She screamed

I really wasn't sure why Alice was so obsessed with decorating for parties. I mean, Edward and Bella's wedding, Renesmee and Jacob's wedding (Which was overly decorated in pink flowers, pink lights, pink tables, pink chairs, pink bouquet, pink everything!) which Jacob was so uncomfortable in as all his friends were sniggering at him because everything in sight was pink, ad basically every graduation party ever.

"But this year, we aren't going to have a graduation party with the school year, just us." I said

"Awwwwwwwwwww" Alice said.

"I know you want a party with everybody from school but that just isn't going to happen this year." I tried to explain to her

"Yeah, you're just going to show off to everybody again." Emmett said. Emmett was silent for a moment, and then Edward started laughing. He was laughing so hard that he would have been crying if he could, so hard that I could see by the way he held himself that his sides were in serious pain.

"Emmett, you shouldn't do that. You know it's rude to think things to Edward that other people can't hear." I scolded

"I didn't say anything, honestly." Emmett said

"What did you say, Emmett." I ordered

"I'm telling the truth, I didn't say anything." Emmett said, with a grin spreading across his face

"He said she would probably try to show her boobs to all the boys and try to make herself look even sluttier than Rose." Edward said

"Excuse me!" Rosalie said

"Hehehe. No sex for Mr. Cullen tonight then." Edward whispered under his breath

"Oh shut up. You're basically a virgin." Emmett said

"Yeah, well at least if I want to, I can." Edward said

"Be quiet, boys." I said

Everybody was silent, and Alice shot Emmett and evil glare.

"OK, let's start the party!" I said

Immediately, Alice shot upstairs to get the decorations, and in a matter of minutes, the whole living room was decorated with fifty banners, one from each graduation party.

"Woooooooooooooo! Let's start the music!" Emmett said, and put on Barbie Girl to annoy Edward.

"Please Emmett, can you not put _any _song on?" Edward asked with an irritated tone of voice

"No, I can't actually." Emmett said "It turns Rose on."

"Oh shut up you sexist idiot." Rose said

Edward stormed over to the CD player and turned on My Heart Will Go On from Titanic

"Yes! Good choice Edward!" Alice said

Everybody turned to their partners and started to slow dance. As soon as it got to the chorus, I passionately kissed Esme, as almost everybody did to their respective partners.

"Ew, you stink so badly Jacob." Nessie exclaimed

"Way to ruin the moment Nessie." Jasper said

"Yeah, slow dance is boring. Let's turn on some proper music!" Emmett said excitedly, who ran to the CD player and put on Dance Wiv Me by Dizzee Rascal.

"Now this is what we call music!" Emmett said

Rosalie, Bella, Alice and Nessie furiously launch into a dance competition, with a lot of bum shaking, and one boob flash from Rosalie.

The evening progressed in the same way, always switching between slow dance and hip hop and rap music, and then Alice played all the number one's of the last 100 years. A large amount of alcohol was involved as well.

"Hey babey. What time do you get off today?" Emmett slurred, and then started kissing Alice

"Ewwwwwwww get off me. Just cos you're not gonna get anything from Rose tonight doesn't mean you're gonna get anything from me. I'm married, remember?! And so are you!" Alice said furiously, but Emmett collapsed in a drunken heap on the floor. Rosalie then stormed off to her bedroom, on the complaint that there was too much noise, but really just upset that her husband was making sick jokes about her and then trying to get off with her sister.

Jasper had since taken Alice up in his arms (He was wobbly from the drink, but still strong enough to carry her upstairs to the bedroom, where I heard the door lock, which meant they were to be left to their own devices………………………..

"So, do you want to go to our little cottage in the woods now?" Edward asked Bella, who instantly agreed and ran with him to the cottage

"I'm going home now." Jacob slurred, who had obviously had too much alcohol as well

"I guess I'm driving then." Nessie sighed.

Jacob wobbled in the general direction of the front door, but was then sick on the doormat and slurred "There's a present for you stinking vampire bastards."

"Come on Jacob, time to go home now." Nessie sighed, and looked disapprovingly at his incredibly drunken state. I soon heard them roaring off in their hummer that was their wedding present from Rosalie.

"Well, I guess it's just you and me then." My gorgeous wife Esme said

"I wonder how they're going to react tomorrow when I tell them about our 3 week camping trip to Alaska." I wondered

"Oh, they're not going to be happy. Emmett is also going to have a very bad headache tomorrow." She said, looking at the drunken, unconscious heap of Emmett on the floor

"This could be interesting." I said

TBC

**Please give me your thoughts on this Chapter, and maybe some ideas for what they're going to do in Alaska. Pleas eplease PLEASE hit the magic button below!**


	2. Chapter 2

Chapter 2

**Ok basically I have writers block really badly right now so this chapter could be quite bad but I don't know cos I don't know what all you people think……………………….anyway, hopefully it should be quite funny.**

**Edwards POV**

"Ooooooooh! A surprise! YAY!" Alice squealed

"Eh?" Emmett said

"What are we going to do?" Bella asked. She always did want to know exactly what was going on.

"We're going camping. In Alaska." Carlisle said

're going Camping. Ugh.

I quickly scanned through Alice's mind, but she was already too busy thinking about which clothes to wear. Typical. Rose was not much different. Jacob was already thinking about the different kind of foods you could eat there, and Emmett wasn't really thinking, which didn't surprise me much either, after the 30 cans of beer he drank. I don't know why he wanted to drink that, as he was just going to have to bring it up later to avoid a very painful belly, but apparently he enjoyed getting drunk a lot.

"Nice." Alice said half – heartedly

"Woo." Rose said sarcastically, not even trying to hide her disappointment.

"We're all going to carry all the things we want ourselves, like a tent, beds, chairs and all that kind of thing, for a trek through the forests there."

"Is there any possible way we can just run it all and go back home in a few hours?" Rosalie suggested

"No. we're all going to walk it as we're going to see the Denali coven. Though it's been about ten years since Irini died, they're still mourning so I felt we should go over there and see how they're doing. I hear Eleazar and Kate really want to see you again now that you're all grown up, Renesmee." Carlisle said

"I've told you so many times before, it's NESSIE!" she said

Jacob grinned at Nessie forcing Carlisle to use her nickname. I didn't mind her using that nickname any more and neither did Bella, as we'd all accepted Jacob into the family now and gotten over our past arguments. He definitely still stinks very badly though.

"Ok, ok Nessie. But the last time they saw you was when you were only still a few months old, and they haven't seen you since." Carlisle said

"I don't even remember them so that could be quite interesting……….." Nessie trailed off.

"Don't worry. They should probably realise that." Jacob said comfortingly

"Ok then kids; pack your bags and everything. Remember, it will be quite cold weather. I know you won't really feel it, but I don't want people in the airport or fellow hikers staring at us because you're wearing clothes suitable for Caribbean temperatures. I want you back here and ready in 2 hours." Carlisle said

"Only two hours! I can't pack bags in that time!" Alice complained

"Well you have to. And if you don't, you're going to have to hike around with no tent or anything, as we're leaving at two to Mike's shop to get some tents and equipment." Carlisle replied

"Fine then." Alice grumbled

I looked through Jacob's head, and saw some incoherent thoughts about Nessie that I didn't really want to look at much longer. I knew they were just as passionately in love as the rest of us, but she was still my daughter.

"Jacob, will you please not think things like that about my daughter when I'm here." I said angrily

"Well it's not my fault you can see inside my head. I bet you think about your wife in that way sometimes too, and I can't do anything about the fact that you go around sneaking into people's minds." He replied

Unfortunately I just couldn't get out of his head now, and he sneaked an evil grin at me and started thinking even more graphic thoughts about things he could do with Nessie in a tent………………

"Jesus Christ man! What's your problem!" I said even more angrily

Thankfully Bella slipped her shield around Jacob's head, a talent which she had now completely mastered. She could even completely take it off herself and put it around someone else with almost no effort at all, and I was very thankful for it today.

"Thank you darling." I said, and started kissing her

"Well, you should probably all go and pack your bags now." Esme rudely interrupted. I was pissed that I couldn't kiss Bella, but it was true that we had to go and pack our bags.

"Well, let's go then." Bella said

"Sure." I said, and we ran back to our cottage. We got the packing done fairly quickly, which surprised me a lot as Alice had converted her almost immediately to her clothes – obsessed ways.

"Well, we're all done." I said

"Hmmm. We've got so many coats and jumpers and things like that. Can't we bring some dresses? Or maybe shorts or something like that?"

"I preferred you so much when you were human and didn't care about how you looked." I teased.

"I guess that's a no then. I've got to say this jumper is very nice. And that coat is GORGEOUS!" She said

"You're so shallow. I was kind of looking forward having one woman I the house who wasn't completely obsessed." I said

"Well, you're just going to have to live with it."

I looked into Alice's head, where she was have a mental battle on whether to bring her Dolce & Gabbana coat or her Prada coat.

"Take the one from Prada, Alice." I shouted to the house

"Thanks Edward!" She shouted back

She sent me a mental image of 3 full bags, all packed with stuff, and then took me through what was in all of them

"That's a lot of stuff Alice. You do know you're going to have to carry all that with you as well as a tent and all that stuff." I shouted

"Yeah. It's fine." She shouted

"It's been two hours. We should probably get back now." Bella pointed out. We ran back to the house where everyone was waiting.

"I haven't seen Mike since High School. I wonder if he still remembers us." Esme said

"Yeah, he does. He sent us an invite for his wedding, remember." Rose said

"Well. Let's go." Carlisle said

We had to take the cars to Forks, as it would be a bit weird if we showed up with no cars, and a lot of camping gear to carry. We finally arrived after about 10 minutes that felt like hours compared to the usual 30 seconds it took us to get there when we ran.

"We're _finally _here." Rose said in here extremely shallow way

We walked inside Mike's shop, and he stared at us for a long time.

"H h hey guys! I haven't seen you in ages!" He stuttered. I looked through his head, and he was amazed to see that Jacob had joined the family, and how pale Bella was. The thing he was staring at the most though was Nessie.

"So Jacob! I didn't know you had a wife!"

"Actually that's my daughter." Bella said

"Wow! Congratulations! I had no idea!" Mike said, with a blush starting to show on his face. I peeked into his mind, and saw that he was very embarrassed that he didn't know anything about me and Bella.

"Oh hey darling!" Mike said to Jessica, with an extremely pregnant belly.

"Oh wow you're pregnant!" Alice exclaimed

"Yeah. We're going to name her Grace." Jessica said softly

"When's she due?" Alice asked

"Around the time of our 3rd anniversary." Mike replied

Alice got that blank look on her face that we had all seen so many times, and then she thought to me

_She's going to be born exactly on their anniversary_

"Wouldn't it be such a coincidence if she was born on your anniversary!" I said

"It would be great, but a little bit scary too. I mean, she's going to be giving us presents and we're going to be giving her presents as well!" Jessica said

"Well, why are you here anyway?" Mike asked

"Another of our regular camping trips. Unfortunately most of our tents are a little worn down and we need proper snow and cold weather equipment as we're going to Alaska this time." Carlisle explained

"Sure. What kind of things do you need?" Mike asked

"Well, we need, let's see, a tent for every two people so that will be 5 tents please, a cold – weather sleeping bag and mattress for everybody so that will be ten, and whatever you think we should bring for camping in the snow." Carlisle said

"Sure. Can you go and get some tents and sleeping bags from the storeroom in the back please Jessica?" Mike asked

"Well, you'll probably need a pair of snowshoes each, and space – heaters. I take it you already have the other things like gas lights, tables, chairs and that kind of stuff." Mike said

"Great. We'll take anything you think we'll need for the cold weather." Carlisle said

An hour later, we arrived back home with snowshoes, tents, sleeping bags, mattresses, space heaters that we didn't need, snow shovels, a very big tarp to spread over our camp – site and a variety of other things.

"Well I guess we're all set then. Let's get this packed up and we'll go to the airport. Our flight's in about 3 hours." Carlisle said

"We're flying!" Rose said incredulously

"Yes we are. Don't you think some people might get suspicious if they see people running at breakneck speed with an amazing amount of luggage (And looked purposefully at Alice when he said that)? Cos I sure would." Carlisle said

"You're right, you're right." Rose admitted

_As always_

She added in her head to me. I smirked.

"Rosalie, what did you just think to Edward!" Carlisle scolded

"Oh, nothing." She said

"Edward?" He asked sceptically

"She didn't say anything. I just thought it would be funny seeing Alice carrying all those bags around." I said

"I so believe that. How come you told on me but not on Rose?!" Emmett said

"I guess life just works that way, Emmett." I said

"Well, I'm not going to feel the weight so I might as well take it if I can." Alice said

"Come on kids, we have to go soon." Carlisle said, and we all got to wotk packing the bags.

**So, what did you think? Tell me if you have any ideas about what you think should happen next, and please tell me what you thought, even if it's bad, cos I'm just trying to improve my writing. Adios!**


	3. Chapter 3

Chapter 3

**Bella's POV**

"She's not going. She's going to get hurt." Edward said to Carlisle

"Edward, I'm fine. I'm a vampire now. I'll be OK, I promise." I replied

"She's right, Edward. You have to let her come, she can't stay here." He pointed out

"Edward, she'll be safe with all of us. You know we'd all protect her, no matter what." Emmett said. Even though Emmett can be quite annoying sometimes, and very VERY wrong, he makes up for it with his big heart.

"I don't know……." Edward said. He sounded a lot less confident. He probably already knew he'd lost.

"Edward, I'll be fine. Trust me." I whispered quietly in his ear, so no - one else could hear, even with supernatural hearing. He seemed to give in at that.

"Ok, Ok, fine. She can come. As long as you all promise to make sure she doesn't get into any trouble." He said, and winked at me.

"Ok then. Let's go, everyone!" Esme said cheerily.

"Er….we're not all going to fit into this car." Emmett pointed out.

"That's why we're taking two, idiot." Rosalie said sarcastically

"Oh." Emmett whispered dejectedly

We all got into the two cars, with Carlisle, Esme, Jasper, Alice, Jacob and Nessie (I had quickly given in to this nickname) in one car. Me, Edward, Emmett, Rosalie and loads of luggage (no prizes for guessing whose luggage that was). We drove for about an hour, but it seemed to fly by for me: Rosalie complaining about how fashionable cold – weather were almost impossible to find, Emmett being a pervert and Edward getting really pissed at Emmett because he was trying to drive and having sick thoughts inside his head. I took my shield off my head and put it around Emmett, and told very bad jokes in my head. It seemed to calm him down a bit, but it didn't stop Emmett from saying stuff aloud…

Finally, we arrived at the airport. If I was still human, I probably would've had really sore legs from sitting all hunched up with one of Rosalie's many bags under my feet, but fortunately I didn't.

"So kids, shall we go check in?" Esme asked, and we all ran to the check – in and baggage drop counter. We stood in a queue for ages, but finally we got to a desk. The lady had one of those fake – sounding robotic voices, and a very annoying fake smile. We all checked in successfully, but problems started with the baggage.

"I'm afraid you're only allowed twenty kilos of baggage each." The lady at the desk said in a toneless voice

Rosalie's mouth fell open, and I might have imagined it but it looked like her face went just a shade paler.

"Erm…excuse me but I don't think that's right. I've always been allowed to take 100 kilos of baggage every time we go to Alaska." Rosalie complained

"Yes, but the normal plane has broken down, and we have to give you a smaller jet to fly over, and the pilot says only 20 kilos per person. The plane only carries the weight of twelve people including the pilot and co – pilot and twenty kilos of luggage per person." She replied in her robotic tone

"I'm sorry, did you just say we have to take one of those really small jets!?" Alice said, the shock showing evidently on her face

"Yes, I'm afraid so. Our other plane won't be repaired until the Autumn."

"Doesn't that mean we get to see the cockpit while we're flying!" Emmett said, getting all excited

"Yes, it does." The lady said, who was really beginning to get on my nerves.

"YES!" Emmett shouted, and hi – fived Jasper. The whole hall quietened, and everyone turned round to look at us.

"I thought I said we were meant to make ourselves inconspicuous!" Carlisle hissed

"Sorry…" Emmett whispered back

"Well, I'm afraid that means we each need to go back to the car and pack our bags again so we have all the equipment we need, then as many warm clothes as possible. Oh, try to wear a jumper and a coat and scarf on the journey and put things in your hand luggage so we can take as much as possible with us." Carlisle ordered.

"Yeah, and where are we going to do that!" Rosalie hissed "Not in the middle of this hall, I hope." She was already angry, and I knew at once this was going to be a very unpleasant flight.

"You all go back to the car, and I'll stay here to keep our place. Do you mind doing it for me, Esme?" Carlisle said

"Sure. Let's go, kids." Esme replied. We all went to the car, and took all our clothes out so we had the bare essentials of camping.

"Ok, now for the clothes." Alice said, and we all frantically began packing as many pairs of underwear, fleeces and coats as possible.

We came back to Carlisle later, but we could've done it much more quickly, if Alice and Rosalie hadn't thrown a tantrum. We all looked ridiculous with two fleeces, many pairs of socks, and as many scarves, coats and tops as possible on to save space, and our hand luggage crammed full of clothes.

"Well, I think this is fine then." Carlisle said. We all checked in our bags successfully, but if looks could kill the lady at the counter would've been dead ten times over, and probably with no blood left in her either.

We all walked quickly to the gate, as we were a bit late. We were the only ones in the boarding area.

"Well this should be cool, we have the whole plane to ourselves!" Alice said excitedly

"Don't forget we have a tiny plane. I really hate those things." Rosalie said, and then walked off to the opposite corner of the room to sulk.

"This is going to be a fun flight." Jacob muttered sarcastically under his breath

"I heard that, you mongrel!" Rosalie shouted angrily from the far side of the room

We waited in the room for another forty minutes, until a stewardess came in.

"Oh finally, we get to board the tiny shitty little plane that's gonna jolt us around loads and prohibit our amount of luggage." Rosalie muttered angrily

We all boarded the plane, and were surprised at the smallness of it.

"Wow, ok I knew it would be small, but not this small!" I complained as we saw the plane. It was tiny. It would be a miracle if we managed to get Jacob in there.

"Think about it, it's like a private jet!" Edward said, trying to cheer us up as always.

"Not unless private jets have really low ceilings, no bathroom, ripped seats and junk all over them." Jacob said as he first entered the plane.

"Oh sorry, this was just in use as an army transportation plane." The stewardess said

"That would explain the metal seats that really hurt my bum." Jasper complained

I sighed, and got in the plane. It took us a while still to take off, but suddenly we were jolted around and we took off.

"Uhhh, where are the seatbelts!?" Nessie asked

"Oh, sorry, there are none. This is an army plane." The co – pilot told us.

Edward shot a dirty look at Carlisle. "You said this would be safe! That my wife and daughter WOULDN'T be in danger!" He shouted angrily at Carlisle.

"Sorry, Edward. I had no idea about our changed travel plans." He apologised.

"I know Bella is indestructible for now, but my daughter can still be killed in this plane crash!" He hissed at Carlisle, quieter than the pilots could hear

"I know. But we'll protect her, like I promised." He said

He leaned back and gave up, but still with an angry frown.

It seemed we were all annoyed: Alice and Rosalie couldn't bring their clothes, Jacob and Emmett were squished by the low ceiling and small seats, Edward was worried about our safety, and the rest of us were annoyed about them complaining.

We stayed in the plane for a long time, in an uncomfortable and angry silence, broken sometimes by an angry mutter.

When we finally arrived in Alaska, we were all very, very pissed. It didn't help that we had to stand around for almost an hour to get our reduced luggage back.

When we finally got out, it was night and it was snowing.

"It's cold. Really cold." Rosalie said, and we all looked at her

"What!?" She replied angrily.

**Well, what did you think of that? If it's good or bad, tell me by clicking below! I think this is a lot better than the past few ones, and maybe you can give me a few ideas for the next chapter.**


	4. Chapter 4

Chapter 4

**Ok people, this is when they actually get to go camping. Hope you like it!**

**Jacob's POV**

**Day 1 – 4:00**

"Well, it is cold!" Rosalie said.

"Stupid parasite bitch." I muttered under my breath. Even though we had been practically living together for years, I still hated her.

"I heard that, mongrel." She snapped back at me

"Don't worry, you were meant to." I replied casually. She was even more fun to wind up when she was angry.

"Be quiet, kids. We have to be friendly to each other, if we're going to make it through this week." Carlisle said coolly.

"Friendly to that……….thing? Yeah right." Rosalie said

"Rosalie! Stop it; he's part of our family now, no matter how you feel about it." Esme scolded

"Well, let's get this show on the road." I announced glumly. I was still really annoyed by the awful flight. My neck was killing me from being hunched over and being crushed against the roof of the plane. I felt sorry for all the soldiers out there.

"That's right. I think I'd better call our taxi service, they should be here by now." Carlisle said. He got out his phone, and started ringing.

"Hello, this is Carlisle Cullen. We asked for a taxi, but it doesn't seem to be here yet."

"Oh."

"That's unfortunate."

"Ok, I understand."

He hung up.

"Well, I'm afraid I've got some bad news."

We all groaned. We'd already had enough bad news today.

"All the taxi and bus services are down due to the blizzard you see outside. That blizzard is probably why our plane needed to be repaired and we got another one as well."

"Well, what does that mean?" Nessie asked. I never tired of hearing her voice; it was so magical, you could hardly believe it was actually real.

"I'm afraid that means we have to go to the other side of town by ourselves to the trail that we're going to be camping on." Carlisle said

"Isn't that just fantastic." Alice said sarcastically.

"Pick up you're suitcases, everyone. We unfortunately have to walk to the edge of the town and act like we're struggling with this luggage, until we can run." Esme said

"Erm, we may well not have to act that. Even though it won't be heavy for us, it is still a lot to juggle if we're trying to walk across these slippery icy roads." Rosalie said. Was that Rosalie saying she couldn't carry her luggage?

"Well, you'll have to leave you're luggage here then." I said smugly

"No, Emmett will carry it for me. Won't you darling." She said. I felt sorry for Emmett. He felt it too apparently, and his face was even more annoyed.

"Don't look like that. You're always going on about how you're a gentleman and everything, so maybe it's time you actually did something." Rosalie snapped

"No Rosalie, You should carry your own luggage. It's yours, so if you want it, you have to take it. Emmett is NOT your own personal porter." Carlisle ordered

"Let's go then." Jasper said, and we all picked up our luggage. Nessie seemed to be struggling with her suitcase as well as her hand luggage.

"Want me to take that bag for ya, babe?" I offered

"Yeah, that would be great." She said, with an apologetic hint to her voice.

"Can't we just steal a luggage cart from the airport?" Emmett suggested

"No." Carlisle said. I saw a hint of disappointment on Emmett's face, but he soon cheered up again.

We had been walking for almost half an hour. It really was very hard. Even though I didn't feel the cold and I hardly felt the luggage, it was very slippery and I couldn't see from behind my suitcase.

"Do we really have to do this? Can't we just stay in a hotel for two weeks and see Denali?" Alice whined

"No, I'm afraid not. Anyway, we can run from here." Carlisle replied. He started running, and we all followed him. It took us about five minutes to get to the start of the trail, which was good considering we had walked half an hour for just a tiny bit.

"Well, we're here now." Esme said

"Ok, we'd better get going. You have to pack everything into your backpacks now." Carlisle said. In the middle of no – where, he just started unpacking his bag. We were all a bit uncertain for a while, but we soon started doing the same thing.

Our backpacks ended up enormous. No surprise, thinking that we each had to fit a tent (Alternating each day between whoever you were sharing the tent with. Of course I got to carry it first.), a chair, a sleeping bag, a pillow, a flashlight, a gas lamp, clothes, and a variety of other things into a tiny rucksack. It felt like it was about to explode.

"This camping trip might be a little different. I have a GPS transmitter with a screen which will show the trail we'll be following. It has checkpoints on the trail, and each checkpoint is where we'll set up camp. As you know, it is a two week trail with about 15 miles between each checkpoint. If we have to, we an always run the last bits." Carlisle said

"Let's go then!" Esme said cheerily

We started walking through the woods. It was undeniably beautiful, with deep drifts of snow and branches of trees covered in white blankets and frozen ponds. The silence was no longer awkward, but companionable with snow crunching under boots. I hugged Nessie close to me. We stayed like that, and just walked for about two hours.

"SHIT!" Emmett shouted. He had walked into a deep snowdrift, and had been swallowed up by the snow almost up to his neck.

"Stupid idiot. C'mon, let's get you out of there." Rosalie said, and grabbed his arm. She started pilling, but Emmett was too heavy for her. Jasper helped, and they slowly dragged Emmett out.

"Ahhhhh that was freezing!" Emmett said

"Well yeah, it was snow." Alice said jokily. The oppressive mood had been lifted.

"Can we set up camp soon? I need somewhere to change and get warm again." Emmett said, shivering.

"Our first checkpoint is in about five kilometres."

"Can we run? I really need to get out of this." Emmett asked

"We probably should. The walk here and the longer flight set us back quite a bit." Carlisle said

We started running, and after about half an hour we reached the checkpoint. We only knew we were there because Carlisle said the GPS said we were.

"Ok, I can't really see where we're meant to set up camp." Bella said

"Well, I think it's around here somewhere." Alice said, and pointed to a post with a red plaque on it.

"Is our trail the red one or something?" Nessie asked

"Yes, it is. We'd better go check that out." Carlisle replied

We walked to the post, which ended up being near a clearing in the woods on the side of the trail.

"You know that blizzard?" Edward said

"Yup." "Unfortunately" "Yeah" "Sure" we all replied

"I think it just snowed under our camping spot." Edward said, in a dismal tone

"Yes, it did. Better get digging!" Emmett said

We all started digging, and sweeping away the fresh snow. It took us about half an hour.

"Please, please can we just set up camp now." Emmett said desperately.

**Was that any good? Please tell me what you thought. And also any ideas for what you think should happen tonight…**


	5. Chapter 5

Chapter 5

**Alice's POV**

**Day 1**

**9:30 pm**

We had finally set up camp. All the snow had been swept away from the clearing, and the five tents had been set up around the campfire. All the tents were surprisingly spacious and comfortable, but I guess Carlisle did that because he knew we weren't going to sleep in them, but more like live in them. They each had enough space for two big airbeds, and a lot of space besides that for clothes and chairs and things like that. The only problem, was where the bathroom was. We couldn't wash or put on make – up, or look at ourselves! Good thing I had the foresight to bring a compact mirror with me…

"Ok, we have to start cooking for Jacob." Nessie ordered

"It's your stupid dog, you cook for it!" Rosalie shouted from inside her tent. He definitely smelled, but since he stopped crushing on Bella, he and his pack have been really friendly. Rose had no right to talk to him like that anymore.

"Come on then, I'll help." I said, and walked out of the tent. Our five tents were set up in a circle around the campfire.

"Sure. Jacob, did you bring food for yourself?" Nessie asked

"Yup. I got us some pasta and a bit of sauce and stuff for today." Jacob replied

"Cool. You can probably cook better than I can, Alice." She said to me

"Sure. Are you gonna be eating this as well?" I asked

"Yeah, so make enough for two." She informed me

"Can you go get the pasta and stuff then?" I asked

She ran to the tent, and came out seconds later with the pasta and sauce.

"Have you got a pot or something for this?" I asked

"Well….." She left off

"Ok. But if this tastes awful, it's not my fault." I said. I put the pasta straight on the fire…

"Ok guys, you're dinner's ready." I shouted

"Cool. I'm getting really hungry." Jacob said, as he rushed out of his tent with his wife. I handed them plates of blackened pasta with almost solid sauce on it.

"Erm…" Nessie said "You know what; I'd actually rather go hunting with you guys."

I made a face at her. "It's not my fault there isn't a pot or pan or something." I said

"Well, it's a lot better than anything me or my dad has ever cooked, so it's fine with me!" Jacob said cheerily, and started tucking in to his dinner.

"That's groce, hubby." Nessie said

"Yeah, I guess that's just the way I am." Jacob replied

Nessie walked back into the tent.

Rosalie walked out of her tent, with a worried expression on her face.

"Um, guys. Where's Emmett?" Rose said

"I thought he was in the tent with you!" I said

"Well, he's not. He said he was going out to change." Rose replied

"Carlisle, can you remember if Emmett was hungry?" I asked

"He had very deep shadows under his eyes." He replied, his voice even

"Oh god. He went out hunting, didn't he!" Rosalie said

"Naked?" I replied

"Well…" She trailed off

"Everybody, we need to find Emmett. He shouldn't be hard to find, he's probably the only naked lunatic sucking blood out of a grizzly bear." I announced

"He went hunting, naked?" Bella said sceptically as she walked out of the tent

"It really doesn't surprise me." Jasper said, as he walked to stand next to me.

"What! I still have to finish dinner!" Jacob whined

"Ok, you and Nessie can stay here and watch the camp. Don't leave!" I ordered

"Let's go and find the insane husband, shall we?!" Rosalie said, and we all started running

"How the hell are we gonna find him in this forest! None of us are trackers!" Bella pointed out

"You all know his scent right? If you pick it up, follow it." Rosalie said

We kept running for a few minutes, until I thought I smelt it.

"Stop! I think I can smell his trail." I shouted. They all came running back towards me

"Yes, that's definitely it." Rosalie confirmed, and we followed it.

We ran for another fifteen minutes, with Rosalie at the front, following her husbands scent.

"I think I can see him!" Jasper whispered

"Yes, that's him." I agreed with my gorgeous husband

"Ok, what are we gonna do?" Bella asked

"Well, I think we should just walk up to him and ask him why the hell he's riding a grizzly bear naked." Edward suggested

"Um…what?" Rosalie asked

"Can't you see him? He's riding the grizzly bear, completely naked!" Edward said

"Um, Yeah. It's kinda true." Jasper said

"Well, let's go get him then." Rosalie said, and sighed deeply

We walked into the clearing where he was riding his grizzly bear.

"Don't we always tell you not to play with your food?" Rosalie said, as she walked up to her crazy husband.

"AAAAAAAAH!" Emmett shouted

"Wow, you scared the hell out of me baby!" He said, and then he saw the rest of us.

"Oh….." He said, and shock spread across his face

"Uh…I can explain!" He said

"No need. Just don't go out again without telling us." Carlisle said

"Umm, sure. Can I please just finish this, though? I don't want a vampire bear." He said

"Go ahead. We'll wait." Esme said softly

He finished his bear very quickly, and we ran back to the campsite.

"Found him?" Jacob asked as we ran into the clearing

"Yep. He went into his tent to put on some clothes again." I informed him

"Oh god! He was seriously naked!" He exclaimed

"Yes…that's why we were saying he went hunting naked." I said

"Oh! I thought it was some kind of inside joke!" He said

"Unfortunately not. He was riding his dinner, naked." I said

"Wow. That is really weird." Jacob said, almost as if he was just thinking to himself

"I know. He's a lunatic." I said

"Hey! I heard that!" Emmett shouted from inside his tent

"I know. You were meant to." I shouted back

"Well, I think we should all just stay inside our tents now." Jasper said from behind me.

"hmmmm. Good idea!" I replied

"Just know that we can hear you, whatever you're going to do in there." Jacob said nonchalantly

"Don't worry, we know. Perv." I said

"I think that's a good idea. Everybody just stay in your tents for the rest of the night. We're leaving at 7:30 tomorrow morning. And by that I mean, ready to go with bags and tent packed." Carlisle said from inside his tent

"I think that's a very good idea." I said, as I led my gorgeous husband into our tent…

**Well, I hope that was good. Anyway, tell me what you think, if it's good or bad! (Especially good reviews.)**


	6. Chapter 6

Chapter 6

**Jasper's POV**

**Day 2**

**5:00 am**

"Oh, is it already time to go?!" I asked Alice

"Yup, it definitely is!" She replied

"But I really want to get to the end of this book…" I moaned

"Tough. You're coming with me." She said, in a very bossy way. I knew I wasn't going to get past this.

"Fine. But Carlisle had better have a good reason to tear me away from this book; it's very good" I complained

I was led out of the tent, to find that there was nobody else up.

"Alice, why are we the only ones out of our tent?" I questioned her

"Well…..it wasn't exactly Carlisle who said we were waking up." She replied

"Ok…" I said

"Who was it then?" I asked

"ME!" She shouted back

"Why did you get me up now then!" I said annoyedly

"Because I felt like it. I also want to be very annoying, and wake Nessie and Jacob up with this VERY loud foghorn…" She said quietly, in a very evil voice

"Well, I guess seeing my wife being killed by a werewolf and a half – vampire could be pretty entertaining…" I said, considering how angry Jacob was likely to be.

"Oh, it's not me who's going to be killed." She said in an even more evil voice

"Who then?" I asked

"YOU!" She said, and pushed my finger down onto the button. She ran away into the forest.

"That's just a sad attempt." I shouted into the forest. I let go of the can, but it still stuck on my hand. I tried shaking it off, but it still wouldn't come off.

"SHIT! Superglue!" I whispered in a panic

I ran as fast as I could to the forest, but it was too late.

"You stupid evil bloodsucking BASTARD!" Jacob shouted at me, and started running. He would never get me, I knew I was faster.

I ran as fast as I could between the thick trunks of the trees. He was getting further and further behind me, when suddenly Alice popped out from behind the tree, and caught me.

"NO! Get off me! I need to get away! You're a very mean wife." I whispered in a panic to Alice

"Hahaha. You're not getting away that easily!" She whispered back. Jacob was catching up fast.

"What did I do?!" I hissed "That werewolf is gonna KILL me for waking him up so early!"

"No, I just felt evil. I haven't had enough mischief yet." She replied

"Oh, so you weren't entertained by Emmett riding his dinner NAKED!" I shouted back. Jacob was almost in reach.

I had no option. I let a thick wave of honesty rush over to Alice.

"Sorry." I said, and ran away into the forest. I climbed up a tree, and jumped silently to the tree above Jacob and Alice.

She stayed behind, and in her honesty rushed to tell Jacob that she had actually done it and it was all he fault, as I watched from the tree above.

"Ohhh you stupid BITCH! I need my fucking sleep!" Jacob shouted at her, and she ran.

Again, Jacob fell behind fast. He was no use without his pack. I watched them run into the distant forest.

I ran behind them. Even though she had been very evil, she was still my wife and I was very concerned for her safety.

"JACOB! Where did you go!" Nessie shouted from underneath the tree I was in.

I jumped down from the tree, to land silently behind her.

"BOO!" I shouted

"AAAAAAAAAAAAAAH!" She screamed, and turned around.

"You're evil." She said

"Not as evil as my wife. And that evilness has got her into trouble with your husband. She was the one who set off the foghorn, and now Jacob's running after her." I informed her

"Well, we'd better go get them then." She sighed

We ran behind Jacob, catching him up easily.

"Ok, you can stop chasing her now, baby." Nessie said to her husband in a soothing tone.

"Nope. I need my sleep, and it's her problem if I get cranky when I don't get enough." He said, and started running again.

_Back at the campsite_

"Carlisle, where did Jasper and Jacob go?" Esme asked her husband

"I think I can hear them running. Jacob is probably angry at whoever let off that foghorn." Carlisle answered, and they started running behind us. We stopped running when they came to us.

"Kids! Where are Alice and Jacob?" Carlisle asked me

"Alice let off the foghorn and Jacob is chasing her." Nessie informed him

"Well, we should probably go and get them then." Carlisle ordered, and we started running again. This time, we couldn't catch him up. We could still see him in the distance, but he had left us too far behind.

_At the campsite_

"Emmett baby, where did Carlisle just go?" Rosalie asked her husband

"I think I heard them say something about a foghorn and Jacob and Alice or something…" He replied uncertainly

"Well, we should probably go and find out then." She ordered, and they started running as well.

When they caught us up, we didn't stop running this time. We explained whilst we were running, why we were running.

We kept running, and we soon came to Jacob.

"Stop there, hubby!" Nessie shouted, and launched herself into the air, and landed on a heap on top of Jacob.

"Get off me! I need to get her!" He shouted in a panic of rage and fury.

"Calm down baby, it's just a foghorn." She said soothingly.

Carlisle looked at me meaningfully. I nodded back. I let a flow of calmness rush into his head, and he instantly stopped struggling and flopped back in a tired heap.

"Alice, you can come back now. He's fine." I shouted to her. She came hurtling back, stirring up leaves and snow.

"Good. We should probably go back now. We ran quite a long way, it could take up to twenty minutes to get back.

"We were running that long!" Jacob said, obviously shocked

"No wonder I'm so tired then!" He said

"Let's get going." Carlisle ordered, and we all followed.

_At the campsite_

_Edward's POV_

"Hey darling, we probably need to get dressed and go out now." I said quietly to Bella, who was resting, eyes closed, on her airbed.

"Ok then." She said quietly, and got up. We walked out of the tent together.

"Hey Emmett, let's go!" I shouted. No reply.

"Alice! Don't you want to dress me up!" Bella shouted jokingly. Again, no reply.

"Where the hell is everyone!" I said, confused.

**Well, what did you think! Please tell me! Also, any ideas for what they can do next chapter would be good.**


	7. Chapter 7

Chapter 7

**Alice's POV**

**Day 2**

**5:30 pm**

"Jesus, I'm so bored. Stupid camping trip. I AM VERY ANNOYED RIGHT NOW, CARLISLE!"

"Calm down, Alice. We'll find something to do." Carlisle replied coolly

I made a list in my head of things we could do:

Truth or Dare - I didn't really feel like it

Internet stuff – we would all have to use the phone Emmett sneaked in and that would be crazy with all of us

Go hunting – we did that the night before we left

Destroy Carlisle's tent as revenge – we needed a better night for that

Makeovers – perfect. I brought loads of makeup and clothes, and I'm sure Rosalie did too.

"Everybody, come to our tent. I have something we can do." I said, as I was aware that I didn't need to shout for everybody to hear me. Everyone except Carlisle and Esme came.

"Well, what have you got for us, Alice?" Edward asked

"Were doing makeovers. Everybody get whatever nice clothes and makeup you have." I ordered, and they all rushed into their tents.

"Well, lets see." I said, once everyone had come back. "From me, a bag of make – up and a giant suitcase full of clothes. From Rosalie…Also a bag of make – up and clothes. From Bella we have…nothing. You seriously Didn't bring any makeup!?" I exclaimed

"No. I didn't really feel the need, cos were walked through a basically deserted forest." She replied

"Well, ok then." I said. I whispered "Freak" under my breath, so silently I knew no – one could hear.

"Ok, from Nessie we have…makeup and very nice makeup if I may say so." I said, and grinned at Nessie.

"Now for the guys. From all of you we have clothes, and Emmett, what is that behind your back!" I asked

He drew his hands out from behind his back, to reveal guyliner and manscara…

"WOW that is unexpected." Nessie said "I thought if anyone was gonna wear man makeup, it would be Jasper!" She said, with a sly sideways grin at my husband

"Well, I never really use it, but I thought it might be helpful?" Emmett added with a sheepish grin.

"Nice save." Jacob said, and we were all cracking up on the floor.

"Now, let us begin. First, the men will give us makeovers. I is u to them to decide who they will do, but youre not allowed to choose your wife. They also choose if they're going to do it nicely or not. If they are capable of doing makeup nicely, that is." I said

"Everybody close your eyes, and go to sit in one of the chairs. Your person will lead you there, and then we will let the makeovering begin!" I said. Someone took my hand, and led me to one of the chairs. He spoke, and I recognised immediately that it was Emmett.

"Hey Emmett." I said

"WTF! You're not supposed to know it was me!" He said

"Well, since we've been living together for ages I can tell all your voices apart." I said matter-of-factly.

"Oh well. Please sit back, relax and enjoy your makeover!" He said like a commercial. It sounded so wrong, I had to laugh.

"Don't laugh, or I won't be able to do this well." He ordered, so I tried to stop laughing. However, the odd spazzy sounded giggle often escaped from my mouth.

I felt him stroking across my eyelids with a brush, and putting on blusher, foundation and loads of lipgloss. He also le me open my eyes for a sec so he could do mascara.

"Ok, I need you to step into this." He said. I stepped into a tight dress.

"Ok, all finished!" He said, and soon after the rest of them had finished as well.

"Ok guys, open your eyes!" Edward said, and we all did just that.

I looked at Bella who looked surprisingly good in hotpants and a clingy top, with fairly good natural – looking makeup. Then Nessie, who was wearing a short red dress and very OTT makeup, but it looked ok.

Then I looked at Rosalie, who was having frantic pictures taken of her by Jacob.

She looked absolutely ridiculous. She wore an ankle – length skirt, and an old granny style blouse over the top. She had black lipstick painted all over her face, heaps of mascara that had gone totally wrong, bright orange foundation and way too red blusher, like little clown noses In the middle of her cheeks. The funniest thing, though, was her eye shadow. It had varying shades of blue, green, orange, pink and yellow. And it was smeared all over her face and eyes.

"Here, my darling, are your photos." Jacob said with an evil tone to his voice.

"AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH!!!!!!!!!" She screamed, and jumped at Jacob.

"I know it was you, bastard dog!" She screamed and was hitting him fairly hard. Jacob was just standing there with an evil grin all over his face.

"calm down, calm down." Jasper said in a soothing tone, and she did so immediately.

"Fuck you, Jasper! I want the angry back!" She said, but her words had no effect.

"Well, then. Now it's our turn to do the boys!" Rosalie said, an evil grin all over her face. She was planning something.

"Ok, I'm doing Jacob!" I said, as soon as I knew what her plan was. Even though he stank, he was still a part of our family now.

"Screw you." Rosalie said.

"In that case, I'm doing Edward." Rosalie said

"I shotgun Jasper!" Nessie said, with an evil giggle. I had no idea what she had in store for my husband, but it didn't sound good.

"And I guess that leaves me with Emmett." Bella said.

"Ok boys. Close your eyes!" I said, and took Jacob's hand. I led him to one of the chairs.

"Hey Jake. It's me, Alice." I said to him

"Oh, thank god. I really don't want to know what Rosalie was planning for me." He whispered.

"Ok, stay really still for me." I said, and he obeyed.

I used a tiny bit of foundation, and then focused on clothing. He didn't have to be too formal, but I wanted to see him with a bit more pride in his appearance. In the end I chose a white shirt, leather jacket and designer jeans. Then I gelled his hair into a soft, messy spikes.

"Ok, I'm finished." I said, and led him out of the chair near the entrance.

The rest of them soon followed.

"Ok guys, open your eyes!" I shouted, and they all looked at each other. I thought Jacob looked the best. Rosale had done a good job with Edward, who looked casual and good. Bella hadn't done too badly with Emmett's hair, but her wardrobe choice was fairly unfortunate – beige corduroy trousers, a beige shirt and a tweed jacket over the top.

Jasper looked the worst. He was wearing my hotpants, and a tight silver top. He also had heaps of guyliner and manscara on.

"Oh god, what have you done to him Nessie!" I said, as I looked on to Jazzy's unfortunate new look…

"Well, I think this was pretty fun, right!" I said, and everyone agreed

"But what are we gonna do with the rest of tonight?" Bell asked

"Well, that's up to you!" I said, and shooed everyone out of her tent.

**What did you think? Please please please review, cos I love reviews! Also, please give me any idead for what they can do next. **


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